if a girl’s gotta go, she’s gotta go.

I’m pretty tired of folks using what seems to be my apparent weakness as a woman as an excuse to discriminate against trans folks. I don’t want to be your excuse to discriminate. Besides, if anyone wants to assault anyone, it’s going to happen regardless of what the sign on a door says. Gendered signs haven’t stopped predators in the past and these predators were not trans folks but individuals with a very clear agenda: to cause harm and assert power over others.
Helpful note: a man who puts on a dress to get into a facility designated for women to commit an assault and then claims to be trans* is more likely than not just trying to get away with it. Which then further perpetuates the transphobia that exists in our society.

In fact, the current statistics for crimes perpetrated in bathrooms by trans folks is a big fat zero.

So for folks out there boycotting Target and other organizations that are striving to make our world more inclusive and accepting, this is my message to you. I don’t need “protection” from a transwoman using the bathroom that coincides with her gender identity. In fact, she is more likely to experience harm and violence than I am.

What people supporting these anti-trans and exclusive laws don’t realize is that trans folks are the ones who feel the most fear when using the bathroom, in addition to the day to day fears that may exist. These fears that manifest because of the society that we live in. Fears of being outed, of not being accepted, of being attacked, all for just wanting to live out their life. As a straight, cisgendered woman, I don’t have to worry about those things.

If there’s anything I need protection from, it’s the patriarchy that we live in. The one that chooses to confine me to the small box of norms that is the outdated gender binary. The society that makes legislation restricting decisions over my health & body and the one that pays women across the country less than men for the same work. The society that slut shames women for looking or behaving a certain way, or just because someone feels like it.

I need protection from the heteronormative and cisgendered patriarchal society that treats the female body like a commodity that men can exert their power over.

Because that’s really what this is about, right? It’s not about your alleged fear of a transwoman sharing a bathroom with you wife or daughter. It’s about your fear of some men’s sense of entitlement to a woman’s body.

“Let’s be clear about where these fears actually come from: What we’re afraid of is men. Whether or not that fear is shrouded in transphobic logic, what we’re actually afraid of when we talk about women and girls being assaulted in bathrooms is men and the sexual violence that we know men perpetrate in the rape culture we live in. But making this fear about bathrooms is misguided and misplaced — where we should really be looking is the culture that surrounds us, the way we raise our boys and the men in our lives.”

via sheknows

So rather than creating discriminatory legislation, maybe we should be having conversations about consent and respect. Maybe we should be having conversations from an earlier age that don’t make it okay for “boys to be boys” but punish girls for the same behavior. Maybe we breakdown the hypermasculinity that exists in our society which then creates certain “expectations” for a boy to live up to. Maybe we take the time to educate each other and learn that there is more that exists outside the gender binary we’ve long been confined to.
 Because if we started having more conversations like that, I think it would be a lot easier to tell people not rape each other, to not be violent towards one another, and to be more accepting of individuals with identities different than our own.
Then, everyone could just pee in peace.

One thought on “if a girl’s gotta go, she’s gotta go.

  1. Pingback: I Can’t Even Pee Without Being Scared of Men | Jayda Kissed

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